When I grow up…


I have always believed that every person is unique, that each and every one of us has a different view of the world. To this day I remain convinced of this simple fact and aware of the many wonders and problems it leads to. None of us speak the same language, and I am not referring to an actual idiom, I am referring to our way of understanding things. This means that those who are either unaware or unwilling to acknowledge this fact will have a confrontational approach towards others. If you understand that every one is different and that they have the right to be different you will have more patience and will make an effort of comprehension. Take a step in the same direction even if it’s leading you into the unknown. This implies a certain openness of mind, but most of all, respect and humility. After all, the person you’re trying to understand has to make the same effort. In other words, it’s a two way street.

We have all been faced with the question of “when I grow up”. Some of us took it more seriously than others. I personally, did not have the time to ponder on it. My mind was, and still remains, a nonsensical chaos, it is every where and no where at the same time. I find it hard to hold on to ideas and data, not because I don’t understand, but because I have a dispersed mind where everything is nothing and nothing is everything at the same time. This does not make me a sloppy person, quite on the contrary, I am a perfectionist and as such pay attention to detail. I know, this doesn’t make any sense. But this harmonious chaos has a lot to do with patience and lack of it. I generally have a lot of patience with people. Not so much with the ideas. Here lies the key to my mental organisation or disorganisation, choose which ever you like.

Basically I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Still. Almost in my thirties now. I like so many things and do so many things at the same time that I am not particularly good at any one of them. In other words I am no specialist in something, but I know a little bit of everything. Because I’m curious and always thirsty for more knowledge I don’t dedicate enough time to anything in particular. I feel passionate about a couple of things, but maybe not enough. Or maybe I’m just unaware of my own possibilities. Why  haven’t I settled for anything in particular?

Well I’ll tell you why. Apart from being a perfectionist I am also a dreamer. So I want it all at the same time. I am aware of all the options, but maybe not courageous enough to choose or maybe I refuse to choose just one. Unfortunately, I am also a realist sometimes, so I know there’s no way I can go after all of them, which quite frankly depresses the hell out of me. Sometimes we are our worst enemy. I have dedicated my life so far to understanding the world around me, and I loved every second of it. In fact, I have enjoyed this journey so much, that I forgot I had to take a practical approach to my studies. The approach being: how am I going to make money? Money, money, money, it’s all about the money.

I guess I just wanted to postpone as much as possible becoming a part of this system of materialist slavery. Our only freedom is in our mind, so I stayed there longer than recommended as a child and got lost as a young adult. Now I’m an outsider. Because I still refuse to settle I am a threat to some. I jeopardise their simplistic view of the world because one day, they might wake up and realise, they have been slaves to the system but it will be too late and it will mean they have wasted their lives on something shallow.

So sue me, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.


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